The Trust Factor

If any of you read my last blog (it's on myspace), I mentioned my issue with trust. I'm really glad I wrote about it, because it made me take a second to reflect.....and that's when God shared something wih me (ohhhh how I love His ways)........ The past season I've experienced has been one where I had no other choice but to trust God's promises....Withsaying that, I realized the trust I was lacking in those around me, was affecting the way I trusted God. SO, He tells me this is one of the reasons He had to set me up in my past situations...where trusting Him was crucial.....so I can begin to feel secure with trusting people.....so I can know what if FEELS like to have someone say something and DO it, MEAN it.....so I can feel safe with such vulnerability......so I won't let doubt control me, but instead master it, because it's a sign of something new that I'm not used to...doesn't mean to be afraid and shun away..... I'm learning to be careful in who I allow myself to trust too....when you trust lies, manipulation is sure to follow.....and being used, or someone giving you false hope/security is NOT a good feeling......especially when you don't understand their reasoning for doing so.....but God's peace surpasses that and you're able to conquer feelings of bitterness or resentment, ect. So, it's like this....the relationships we entertain around us reflects the relationship we have with God....it is when I can completely trust Him that I find comfortability in trusting others (this includes love and all the other actions/emotions)......I chuckled to myself as I was laying down thinking about this whole thing.....I love God's ways.....who else would heal you while helping you like He does. Yeah, NOBODY. xoxo ~Shiena

Aaaaah yes....PEACE!

I'm am feeling so great right about now (besides my deepest frustration of having to press one for english.....grrrrr)......I mean, I have never felt so light. Re-evaluating my personal circle has been one of the best life decisions made thus far........(I cleaned my phonebook out months ago..I recommend it--how you will ever meet new people?) It is extremely problematic if I'm the only one with serious life long goals on my mind, ....I mentioned this whole thing of letting go of people in my last blog, I was referring to all of the platonic relationships being entertained.... there weren't A LOT, but a few of them were ummmmm, just NOT the business.....

I have finally been ok with not answering the phone if I don't feel like talking ( I used to feel guilty...I know-- I'm too nice), hanging up if the conversation becomes draining, and whew! It feels great...lol.....

I was talking to one of my good friends, and I expressed my realization to the equilibrium within our friendship.........I was shocked that for once someone was treating me the way I treated them...like a friend! lol I laughed at myself because only *I* would bring it to someone's attention...lol

In times past, people that I have befriended needed me in their life, but their presence missing wasn't detrimental for Shiena.....and that's when I discovered that everyone you help isn't meant to be a best friend, etc. Out of gratitude for helping someone with an issue, they esteem you so high and want to put a label on it........

Anyway, I just wanted to put my feeling of peace in the atmosphere because yeah....I'm feelin grrrrrrrrrrreat! :D lol

It's kinda like going to the airport today, then years ago.......you used to be permitted to carry however many pieces of luggage you desired ( I used to pack EVERYTHING)...but now you are only allowed to carry a minimum amount, and that makes you more cautious of taking only what you NEED......and although you may not like it, it's actually beneficial for you because your load isn't as heavy and it's easier to ensure safety......you'll catch that.....

Well, I'm off......love life and live in love.....GOD'S love......that's the only way....


*side note: MAY 24th is the next CALM & COLLECTIVE!!!!!!!!!!! Planning is already in smooth motion....hope to see you there (We ARE accepting love offerings for those of you who JUST can't be there ;P )

I have finally come to the conclusion that I absolutely give people more attention then they deserve.....with everyone.....it's not appreaciated until it's gone........i'm kinda tired of that cycle............I've decided that i'm shutting down, in a HEALTHY way, because I don't like to hurt, and that's the only way, right now, to keep that from continuing to happen..........Some people you have to completely cut off, and others...you put them in their rightful place......and people keep inquiring why I'm not in a committed relationship right now...welllllll it's not a wise thing to do at the moment...I'm getting myself in place, stablizing, establishing myself so I can get some things accomplished....I have to be able to bring something to the table, grow with a person.......and God is perfecting me (and that requires some NOW sacrifices for the prize LATER), so I'd rather wait then do anything prematurely...........healthy love is more important to me than temporary satisfaction.....

I've also discovered that at times, we can pray for the right things but at the wrong time......so I'm developing a new patience............learning to accept the place in my life that I'm in at the moment...it becomes difficult because I keep seeing the end, but there's some in between experiences that have to take place...it's a battleof the mind to stay focus, to avoid drowning in self-pity or low confidence......

and I know I have nothing to prove to anyone who bases their perception of me on what they see now.........sorry they choose to keep the wool over their eyes...I chuckle to myself sometimes, because people mistake my bubbly personality and energetic presence as a sign of naivity, or maybe immaturity??.....ha! If they only knew why I always smile, but my time will be in DUE time, so like i said.....I have nothing to prove......everything that I do, everything I am......the woman in me speaks for herself in my actions, my wise speech, my mind, my virtue........maybe they're not listening...and that's a loss....because I'm a rarity......

I should be sleep, I have to work tomorrow...but I felt like writing..........just taking things one day at a time, patience includes avoiding the emotion of anxiety.....so I've chosen to humble myself and listen to God speak instead....worship, meditate, pray....my lifelines....and trust, these will make me more than a mere millionare.....money can't buy you LOVE, and walking IN LOVE is what makes the difference.

**side note: I was journaling last week and I realized that hey...I don't wanna FALL in love, that's so unstable....what if there isn't anyone to catch me, or they don't know how??? How about I just LIVE in it.....then you can learn how to love me and those bruises from FALLING can be avoided**

xoxo
~Shiena

*****This quote came to mind last night while I was writing in my journal, made me think, hope the same for you:

"You live, you hurt, and hopefully.....you learn so you can GROW."

And I told someone this yesterday and I was like "hmmmmmm...that's a thought right there"Lol

"If someone is going to request that you not talk/date (whatEVA it is) someone else, they need to give good reason for you to not want to....and if you're giving someone every reason and they choose to not give you intimate attention, guess they just don't wanna be with you.....whether it's right now or always....." (that's selfish if they just string you along too, but won't go there)*****

I thought I would blog so I can remember what I was thinking after my move. Yes, I moved. Not sure how I feel. I mean, I'm extremely happy because I needed to for the work I'm embarking upon and I like the idea of having my own space. I've always been very, very independent. I don't like asking for help. I have trust issues (with men too, I'm workin on it tho)because people habitually let me down so, I just do things myself. That brings along pride at times, which can be problematic, BUT I have learned to take care of my business regardless. No one else cares about you the way YOU do..........somebody will know you're in a bind, ect, only to go home and eat chicken so long as they're not affected. It's brutal, but that's the reality at times.

I know my heart isn't cold and cruel like that, but sometimes that's a downfall because, I subconsciously make the mistake and assume the same for others. It's not even the factor of dropping everything to see after someone else. It's the reasons given when you can't help, or your intentions when you do. Withstanding that, I need to be more discreet to whom I lend help too because frankly-- some people just don't appreciate it and will never reciprocate that type of love and kindness back.....it drains me sometimes, it really does.

At any rate, I'm looking forward to seeing what is to come since I've started a new chapter in my life. God took me through a transition that really broke me down, but my rebuilding has made me so much stronger, wiser, confident, FOCUSED, and I'm happy. Very happy. I finally started wearing prescription glasses recently, and honestly, I can really see things much more clearly........

xoxo ~Shiena



Yes, I really can SEE.....feels grrrrreat

Ok, I have received e-mails, read blogs, and engaged in countless conversations that center around the appropriate time to have sex......if people really wait, etc. Well, this is what I publicly have to say:

One of my homeboys firmly believes that no man is going to marry me, be with me, because I choose to abstain (God keep me near the cross). Now, his theory is you have to try it before you buy it. He's in a relationship now, a healthy one, but he had sex with his girlfriend before they committed, because he didn't want to be dissapointed. I bet there are plenty of other men that would agree with this method, but Shiena says..."HHHHECK to da naw, NEE-groe!"....

I debated that you can pick-up on your chemistry with someone and get SOME type of clue, without taking it there. It's something about their aura that creates an ambience you don't share with others....is that not some type of notion???

I am still holding on to the hope that hey, there is a percentage of men that don't use sex as a predetermined factor for long term relationships, marriage, etc. It's like I'm an outcast for having biblical principles as a foundation for my values.....but that's a normalcy anyways....

And let me add in, just because a person chooses to be a virgin, celibate, whatever, doesn't mean they are a prune. We like to go to the movies, maybe rock climb or sky dive on occasions. We eat chicken and enjoy walks on the beach too......goodness, give us a break here! Lol We are not numb to our emotions or feelings, we just realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly depend on God to help us control them. Lol

Ok, and the e-mail about black men/women....(go to quita's blog http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=51056250&blogID=185699011&MyToken=16d25a4f-3576-4494-a761-c3caf100ddc9 to read it in its entirety...she is the author of V is for Virgin-- great read!)

(It was a lot going on, so I'll only touch on a little bit.) I appreciate the brotha for being frank (woo hoo buddy! bravo boo). What he said had a lot of truth. The majorty of relationships that go on in society, are based on a carnal mentality so he wasn't lying. Nope. Women feed a lot off their emotions, so the "jump-off" concept doesn't last forever. And we also have been guilty of the " I- refuse- to face -the- truth- that -the -lil boy- i- date -who CALLS -himself a man.... is a dog" syndrome. Ya know, being stupid with the decisions we make.......no wisdom at ALL. Especially when we attempt to use our bodies to keep a man (this includes having children!).


For the most part ,when a man expresses what he does/doesn't want, it's the truth. But men, you can't say one thing and then your actions contradict everything you just said. I still believe that sometimes women get lead on to think a situation is something when its really NOTHING.

All in all, this could be avoided if we followed the natural order of what sex was designed for, and waited til MARRIAGE. Frankly, I've seen how emotionally people get attached and I really understand why it's a symbol of unity. People really get wrapped up, geesh! Lol They really want to leave, but they are still attached spiritually so, it's a struggle.

I could go on, but this blog doesn't need to be a novel. ;)

So in closing, I believe there are a few good men who will wait without pressure.......(I think women are the aggressive ones really, but that's another blog). A whole lot of issues with relationships- or lack thereof, would be obsolete if sex wasn't a centered activity. And if I have to be the example, then so be it....hey, I would loooooove to be involved with God's man- that over a bum? why not :).......

~Shiena

P.S.

Promiscuity to Proverbs 31 by Tanya James, is also a great read (she told me a second book is brewing.....FINALLY...she was in denial about it Lol)

If you are still in the dark about Luap Notrom......get in the light, thank me when you see it. :)

http://www.myspace.com/luapnotrom

Welllll.........this weekend was interesting...........

I found out a friend of mine is now a lesbian, hmmmmm. ok. Another one. Wasn't expecting that. Annnnd me being Shiena I expressed my acceptance but disapproval and kept it moving. It's better to love someone than to judge them.......

My family threw a surprise dinner party for my grandmother's 70th birthday. It was a nice moment, but of course one person wasn't there......my usual uncle. Ya know, the main one who leeches from her. In fact, he borrowed her car AGAIN to go to a funeral that day, no show at the party tho....huh!?!? I say, if you are almost a senior citizen YOURSELF, get your own stuff! You have a job, make it happen! My grandmother allows what goes on to constantly continue, but I HAD to say something to him, because no one else was going to.

Everyone talks about it but refuses to confront it.......Boy, it felt good to tell him how pitiful he was. Yup, I SAID IT. And he had the audacity to act like the family owed HIM somethin, THAT was funny. And I went on to inform him if he is able to borrow her car, he can attend her 70th SURPRISE dinner party. (and that's when i walked out the door, it was real gangsta Lol)

Welp! I AM Robert and Michelle's daughter. Lol

Well, I wanted to share that, it was a stellar moment.... Lol

Annnnd that was my interesting weekend.....and about the superbowl halftime show...

WHAT was goin on with oh girl's white cape outfit!?! I was tryin to figure that out,they sounded good tho...Prince can play the guitar all the day long for me....and did the Bears realllly make a touchdown from the first kick-off?? Um, and ok.

Happy Monday! :)


~Shiena

Get Your Own Voice Player

Manage

A lot of times in our Christian walk, we become so consumed in praying for our own needs and wants, we forget to pray for others. So, if you are reading this and would like me to pray over you, agree with you on some things....leave a comment or send me a message. You don't have to give me explicit details, I don't need to know all your business to pray, just hit me up......if there is anything I need to specifically intercede for, He will show me....it's all good 8)

Let's pray for each other....I'm all about seeing others blessed around me before I am....when you are surrounded by prosperity (not just riches- that can all fade, but prosperous in mind,body, and soul-a lifestyle), YOU can't help but be prosperous.

With that said, be wise about who you let come around you. Some people are spiritual leeches, hey physical ones too. Lol Everyone isn't meant to go with you every step of your destiny.....(and the people who are--don't be selfish/ungrateful/foolish, and run them off)

Annnnnnd one more thing:

Instead of asking for God to do a NEW thing in '07, how about continuing to believe and speaking the Word to what He's already promised?? *I* personally don't need another "Wordt from the Lordt", nor do I need to be slain and get my press-n-curl all tow up (hehehe)......I'm still waiting for some other things to finish manifesting.....God's Word is faithful....complete those dreams He's given you in '06- heck '05, before you start naming and claiming new stuff.......

He's given some of ya'll enough prophecies to fill up a book and you haven't even been obedient to THAT--how many confirmations do you really need?......God promised you a house, but you have yet to become finanicially responsible and you grumble about paying your tithes--don't even think about giving an offering.....and you STILL haven't forgiven some people, nor do you walk in God's love--God said He would restore some familiy relationships, but how can He when you refuse to act civilized-don't claim Christ and you don't act like Him.....let's get it together ......
Anyway, I hope you CHOOSE to have a great year! It's all up to you 8)

~Shiena

p.s. if you don't need someone to pray for you, then join me and pray for others ;)