Aaaaah yes....PEACE!

I'm am feeling so great right about now (besides my deepest frustration of having to press one for english.....grrrrr)......I mean, I have never felt so light. Re-evaluating my personal circle has been one of the best life decisions made thus far........(I cleaned my phonebook out months ago..I recommend it--how you will ever meet new people?) It is extremely problematic if I'm the only one with serious life long goals on my mind, ....I mentioned this whole thing of letting go of people in my last blog, I was referring to all of the platonic relationships being entertained.... there weren't A LOT, but a few of them were ummmmm, just NOT the business.....

I have finally been ok with not answering the phone if I don't feel like talking ( I used to feel guilty...I know-- I'm too nice), hanging up if the conversation becomes draining, and whew! It feels great...lol.....

I was talking to one of my good friends, and I expressed my realization to the equilibrium within our friendship.........I was shocked that for once someone was treating me the way I treated them...like a friend! lol I laughed at myself because only *I* would bring it to someone's attention...lol

In times past, people that I have befriended needed me in their life, but their presence missing wasn't detrimental for Shiena.....and that's when I discovered that everyone you help isn't meant to be a best friend, etc. Out of gratitude for helping someone with an issue, they esteem you so high and want to put a label on it........

Anyway, I just wanted to put my feeling of peace in the atmosphere because yeah....I'm feelin grrrrrrrrrrreat! :D lol

It's kinda like going to the airport today, then years ago.......you used to be permitted to carry however many pieces of luggage you desired ( I used to pack EVERYTHING)...but now you are only allowed to carry a minimum amount, and that makes you more cautious of taking only what you NEED......and although you may not like it, it's actually beneficial for you because your load isn't as heavy and it's easier to ensure safety......you'll catch that.....

Well, I'm off......love life and live in love.....GOD'S love......that's the only way....


*side note: MAY 24th is the next CALM & COLLECTIVE!!!!!!!!!!! Planning is already in smooth motion....hope to see you there (We ARE accepting love offerings for those of you who JUST can't be there ;P )

I have finally come to the conclusion that I absolutely give people more attention then they deserve.....with everyone.....it's not appreaciated until it's gone........i'm kinda tired of that cycle............I've decided that i'm shutting down, in a HEALTHY way, because I don't like to hurt, and that's the only way, right now, to keep that from continuing to happen..........Some people you have to completely cut off, and others...you put them in their rightful place......and people keep inquiring why I'm not in a committed relationship right now...welllllll it's not a wise thing to do at the moment...I'm getting myself in place, stablizing, establishing myself so I can get some things accomplished....I have to be able to bring something to the table, grow with a person.......and God is perfecting me (and that requires some NOW sacrifices for the prize LATER), so I'd rather wait then do anything prematurely...........healthy love is more important to me than temporary satisfaction.....

I've also discovered that at times, we can pray for the right things but at the wrong time......so I'm developing a new patience............learning to accept the place in my life that I'm in at the moment...it becomes difficult because I keep seeing the end, but there's some in between experiences that have to take place...it's a battleof the mind to stay focus, to avoid drowning in self-pity or low confidence......

and I know I have nothing to prove to anyone who bases their perception of me on what they see now.........sorry they choose to keep the wool over their eyes...I chuckle to myself sometimes, because people mistake my bubbly personality and energetic presence as a sign of naivity, or maybe immaturity??.....ha! If they only knew why I always smile, but my time will be in DUE time, so like i said.....I have nothing to prove......everything that I do, everything I am......the woman in me speaks for herself in my actions, my wise speech, my mind, my virtue........maybe they're not listening...and that's a loss....because I'm a rarity......

I should be sleep, I have to work tomorrow...but I felt like writing..........just taking things one day at a time, patience includes avoiding the emotion of anxiety.....so I've chosen to humble myself and listen to God speak instead....worship, meditate, pray....my lifelines....and trust, these will make me more than a mere millionare.....money can't buy you LOVE, and walking IN LOVE is what makes the difference.

**side note: I was journaling last week and I realized that hey...I don't wanna FALL in love, that's so unstable....what if there isn't anyone to catch me, or they don't know how??? How about I just LIVE in it.....then you can learn how to love me and those bruises from FALLING can be avoided**

xoxo
~Shiena