I have finally come to the conclusion that I absolutely give people more attention then they deserve.....with everyone.....it's not appreaciated until it's gone........i'm kinda tired of that cycle............I've decided that i'm shutting down, in a HEALTHY way, because I don't like to hurt, and that's the only way, right now, to keep that from continuing to happen..........Some people you have to completely cut off, and others...you put them in their rightful place......and people keep inquiring why I'm not in a committed relationship right now...welllllll it's not a wise thing to do at the moment...I'm getting myself in place, stablizing, establishing myself so I can get some things accomplished....I have to be able to bring something to the table, grow with a person.......and God is perfecting me (and that requires some NOW sacrifices for the prize LATER), so I'd rather wait then do anything prematurely...........healthy love is more important to me than temporary satisfaction.....

I've also discovered that at times, we can pray for the right things but at the wrong time......so I'm developing a new patience............learning to accept the place in my life that I'm in at the moment...it becomes difficult because I keep seeing the end, but there's some in between experiences that have to take place...it's a battleof the mind to stay focus, to avoid drowning in self-pity or low confidence......

and I know I have nothing to prove to anyone who bases their perception of me on what they see now.........sorry they choose to keep the wool over their eyes...I chuckle to myself sometimes, because people mistake my bubbly personality and energetic presence as a sign of naivity, or maybe immaturity??.....ha! If they only knew why I always smile, but my time will be in DUE time, so like i said.....I have nothing to prove......everything that I do, everything I am......the woman in me speaks for herself in my actions, my wise speech, my mind, my virtue........maybe they're not listening...and that's a loss....because I'm a rarity......

I should be sleep, I have to work tomorrow...but I felt like writing..........just taking things one day at a time, patience includes avoiding the emotion of anxiety.....so I've chosen to humble myself and listen to God speak instead....worship, meditate, pray....my lifelines....and trust, these will make me more than a mere millionare.....money can't buy you LOVE, and walking IN LOVE is what makes the difference.

**side note: I was journaling last week and I realized that hey...I don't wanna FALL in love, that's so unstable....what if there isn't anyone to catch me, or they don't know how??? How about I just LIVE in it.....then you can learn how to love me and those bruises from FALLING can be avoided**

xoxo
~Shiena